On Nov 2, 1972, Monty Python’s Flying Circus released an episode entitled “The Money Programme.” In it, a man visits an “argument clinic” and engages in an impromptu argument with the other man. While the comedy is brilliantly written and delivered, and the entire skit is well worth your time, one line in particular stands out: “ An argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.” (Please note however, before showing to your children, that British Television has a different view of what's allowable, and some words and phrases aren't particularly edifying.)
Now, in the course of the sketch, this line proves to provoke yet another stage of the argument, but as with much intelligent comedy, there’s a fair bit of truth behind it.
Truth that isn’t nearly as funny when it’s not contained to a TV show.
As a pastor or ministry leader, you have, or will, deal with contrarians. Those individuals that seem predetermined to dislike you, dislike all you are doing, dislike how you are doing all that you are doing, and dislike who you even have involved. (Usually because you’ve wisely chosen not to involve them) These are a burden to pastors, for sure. However, at times, the sheer absurdity of their complaints, or the juxtaposition of two such individuals, can be cause for some bemusement in the middle of the pain.
Recently, I was engaged in conversation with one such individual. This person had a long list of problems with an event I was planning, and as typical, instantly assumed the worst possible motives for anything I chose to do. As if purposefully targeting that person's preferences was my highest priority when the glory of God, evangelism of the lost world, and education of the saints are at stake. Regardless, about halfway through the discussion, the irony struck. That's when that person said this:
“We always do it this way, I don’t understand why you insist on changing things.”
And then, about 137 seconds later.
“We always do that, we do that for everything, we need to do something different this year.”
Besides the fact that, no, we don’t do it every year, and yes the teens and other church leaders have been demanding it for months, and that it’s a vital part of the event, it was ironic to hear completely contradictory arguments used back to back, with absolutely no other supporting facts or reasons. I was tempted to smile, and even to laugh, but that wouldn't have helped the situation.
Pastors, you’re going to face that. More common, of course, are the different comments coming from different people. When several beg for more Bible, deeper teaching, and less game time, but then another several whine about too much Bible and not enough goofy fun, you’ll need to make a choice. You can't please both. After all, not even Chick-Fil-A makes everyone happy.
It’s times like these that several verses come to mind.
“A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James)
“”Proverbs 30:15-17
Romans 1:28-32
Gal 5:20 “dissensions”
The Bible calls us to have peace with one another, to be united in Christ and his mission, and to deal with conflict through love. (Romans 14 comes to mind.) The Bible isn’t so naive to think that people will have some differences. But it’s discouraging to see them used to divide people, discourage ministry, and defeat the optimism and spirit of a churches’ leadership. That’s why God often calls out gossips and strife-bringers. Like, seriously, he called out those that bring divisions even more than you called out the refs on last week's football game. More, as much as the multitude of miss-called fouls put you in a foul mood, these problem-generators in the pews cause God disappointment.
How do we solve this problem?
Well, obviously, before anything else, pray. Pray deeply for the self-contradictory contrarians. But also be praying for others, that all will be united in their own focus on God’s mission, and will be humble enough to follow through the plan that he has set.
But here are some practical tips that may help.
(No promises, because I was, at one time, rebuked for my lessons not being relevant enough while also being rebuked for getting too pointed and specific with application and advice in the lives of teens.) Nevertheless, here we go.
First, try to identify the specific kind of problem being raised. Pastors will face people with differing opinions. Some valid, some not. Sometimes, those are Romans 14 type issues, matters of indifference, and the family will stay in the church, stay faithful, and stay involved even if you don’t happen to take their preference. Those are the people with the lowest consequences to refusing them, but honestly, often are the people with the godliness and wisdom and mindset that should be seriously considered. Sometimes, there are two or more good ways of tackling a problem, and simply explaining your reasoning will help with that. Even if they don’t agree, the better people will accept it and still support you. Those are easy.
Second, it could be a matter of an immature believer, or even a lost person. These don’t hold biblical worldviews, don’t hold biblical priorities, and don’t see things from God’s eyes. These need gentle, loving, kind correction, and redirection, and more than anything, a focus on Christ, his mission, and our part in that. Share the Gospel if you can, and point them to how this event, this ministry, or that way of doing things exalts the Gospel. These are harder as they typically default to emotional or worldly thinking. It's harder to help them, and they may genuinely not be saved and therefore lacking the voice of the Spirit in their hearts.
Others are contrarians through and through. While they are also immature believers, or possibly non-believers, these people often already have a burr under their saddle and you are just in a no-win situation. It brings to mind that saying "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." (Which I guess isn't very Christian language.) Pray for them, try to help them, but also realize they will probably complain no matter what. They bring to mind the worm of Proverbs 30, that vampiric leech that drains the life of others and is never content and never satisfied. This is when a pastor must follow the Word of God and rebuke this gross sin, with the hope that change and repentance will result.
In the most extreme cases, church discipline is not just a valid option, but a needed one. Pastors are responsible for protecting their flock and if somebody is continually causing massive problems and keeping the church from it’s mission, and refuses to repent when you privately confront, refuses to repent when you confront with others, and refuses to repent when brought before the church, then Jesus’ method of removing them from the church must happen. The New Testament makes it clear that believers must love one another and that we must be united in Christ. Such divisive poison will only destroy the flock, and your life and your family.
It can be hard, you don’t want to possibly “lose” a sheep, and perhaps see them wander away from God. Chances are, they may even drag other away with them if they are forced to leave. But not only is it the Biblical way of handling things, but to keep them in, to try to please them, to try to make them happy, will destroy far more families, ruin far more lives, and threaten to shipwreck the entire church. Trust me, I've seen it!
Thankfully, most comments and critiques don’t reach that stage. Most people just have different ideas, and sometimes, they are even good ideas! But sometimes, those ideas contradict, and other times, somebody’s own suggestions, and their own complaints, and their own examples and so-called solutions contradict. Not just common sense, not just the Bible, but even themselves! Some are simply so deeply immersed in their sin and contrarianism that they will only suffocate the work of God and drag you and the church down unless radical measures are used to show them their own wickedness.
If a church member ever threatens to leave because something isn’t being done their way, let them go. That’s the advice of several theologians and pastors. Sounds rough, right? Why? Because like that vampiric leech, nothing you do will ever be enough until they remake the church into their own image, and in the process, rip away everything that God designed it to be and accomplish. They will continue to threaten, argue, complain, and seek to recast the church of God until it is broken down and remade in their own image.
Pastors, be encouraged, be bold, be true. Not just for your own sanity, but for the flock of God entrusted to you!