I like fun socks. I have Sonic the Hedgehog socks, more fancy church socks, and some super-soft and warm socks for winter, among my other, far more boring, everyday socks. I like socks. In fact, I’m even one of those people that sleeps wearing socks. (Controversial, right?)
It’s fun to match my shirt with my more colorful socks, it really is. But it’s also really disappointing when my favorite socks develop holes. Which they do with relative frequency. Expensive socks, cheap socks, thick socks, thin socks, they all wear out about the same. I must be kinda hard on them. I’m sure there’s something I could change to not blast through them so quickly, but I couldn’t imagine what that would be. So, like every other husband, I keep wearing the hole-riddled socks for a little bit, until it becomes too uncomfortable (or my wife notices) and it gets tossed into the trash.
No need to repair it, no need to change my ways. Just toss it aside and get some new ones. Find another source for those comforting, warm, and ever-so-soft and happy feelings.
As a kid, I did more than just walk all over my socks and wear them out. I also enjoyed playing with some sock puppets. Yep, by propping up the sock using my own arm, I could make it appear to talk! My sock puppets said all sorts of things, bringing all kinds of entertainment and fun and joy. I mean, it never said anything to offend me, I was, after all, the powerful mastermind behind it, but it certainly brought a lot of fun that way.
All of the above is true. But not just about me and my socks.
Many want their pastors to be little more than sock-puppets. Soft, comforting, heart-warming, and entertaining, but also very easy to walk on, no authority or power to stand on their own, and quickly thrown away when the smallest hole is torn or when they become even a little uncomfortable, even if it’s our treatment of them that wears them through so quickly. We may wonder why our socks get so worn out, and we go through so many, but it hardly concerns us. We just go out and get another one. Much like how some deacons and church members treat their pastors.
As a pastor, I’ve had some strange conversations. One, was a church member yelling at me, getting quite furious, that I had dared to ask his kid to behave in class. He later mentioned that I was trying to be some “super-authority” and I am supposed to “shepherd” these kids. Now, sadly, that deacon’s Bible knowledge was rather lacking, in several areas. Even Psalm 23 speaks of a Shepherd’s rod and staff, instruments to help protect the sheep, yes, but also correct, guide, and redirect them. He also forgot Titus, which begins with Titus’ need to ordain elders, contains requirements for an elder/pastor, then immediately states part of the purpose is for rebuking false teaching and divisive individuals that shipwreck “whole families.”
Authority and correction, while not always the most pleasant aspects of shepherding, are there! The Word of God is given to “reprove, rebuke, exhort…” (KJV) and elders are to “preach the word.”
More than that, entire books have been written expounding the role of godly authority in the church (like Authority: How Godly Rule Protects the Vulnerable, Strengthens Communities, and Promotes Human Flourishing By: Jonathan Leeman CROSSWAY / 2023)
So, why do so many balk against this? Why do so many just want a comfy-cozy buddy, and not a Word-infused, God authorized overseer? Why do so many seem to want a flawless sock-puppet that speaks and acts exactly how they want, and in ways that entertain and comfort, but never correct?
Well, a few reasons come to mind.
First, they don’t know their Bibles.
While it’s a hard thing for many to hear, teaching on the role of the pastor/elder/overseer is essential work in the church. Teaching people that the role of pastor is also called, well, more commonly called, overseer, helps them understand the roles that God gave them. Pastors are to be an authoritative voice in the flock that are to be submitted to and obeyed, per the Word of God! They are to rule well, (and doing so gets them double-honor) while this doesn’t mean they are above rebuke or correction, it means the inherent stance of church members should be one of following their God-given leader, not constantly holding a bat over his head to see when he will step out of line.
Second, they may have a topsy-turvy view of church leadership.
The above ignorance often plays itself out in a wrong view of church leadership. Many Baptist churches, pulling on their roots of congregationalism, swing the pendulum too far. Rather than seeing the elders are overseers and leaders, they see them as vassal kings of the ultimate authority, the church body. Since, of course, the entire body can’t do every little decision, they invent committees. Often, in America, the governing bodies of this country are cited, and the patriotic tendencies of the people outrun their Biblical knowledge. This pragmatism and patriotism combine into a mix where, much like in American politics, power-hungry individuals that often should have no business in politics, grasp for power, while those good people best suited for the task in temperament and character are shoved aside. The best people are busy actually serving and making a difference, leaving a power vacuum. Nobody intelligent denies the absurd levels of corruption in the US government, so why do we think modeling that model, putting the wrong people in power, and instituting all these extra committees, sub-committees, and committees on committees, full of under qualified and overly power seeking individuals who have little love for God and ministry, will work out well? Because it won’t.
Third, they may have bitten a bit too much into the idea of American Freedom.
While brilliantly expounded in his book, the Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self, the absolute destruction of people’s trust in established organizations, and sense of truth and purpose migrating to inner feelings rather than outside, more objective authorities, many in the pews struggle with even the word “submission.” They struggle to follow rules, struggle to understand regulations, and often act and think that their feelings and thoughts validate their own actions, rather than being subject to others and outside authorities.
Fourth, they have no desire for holiness.
This is probably one of the biggest, but often undiagnosed reasons. Even if a person is fairly ignorant in their biblical understanding, if they have a desire for God and obeying his Word, they will gladly, if imperfectly at first, begin to follow God’s commands and see them as good and helpful. A desire for holiness, for godliness, will aid an individual to obey God’s leaders and accept as good and right God’s structure for life. As people get closer to God, understand his goodness more, their perception of God’s way shifts, their humility grows, and their willingness to work together for the Gospel shines brighter.
Fifth, they crave power themselves and won’t tolerate any threats to that power.
Along with those ignorantly or accidentally thinking they rule over a church instead of the elders are those that deeply do desire power and prestige. Rather than actually do the hard work of the ministry and become elders, they want all the power with none of the accountability or burden. They want to frequently skip out on church, on meetings, on ministry, but then come in and weld all the power when something happens to upset them. They want to remake the church into their own image, an image that is often quite self-serving and neglectful of others. These kinds of people, even if they are truly serving somewhere, serve in a very narrow niche. If they teach a youth class, they may openly admit to not even knowing, or caring, about any teens that don’t happen to be in their class. If they do happen to help on a Sunday morning, they certainly won’t show up to do anything other nights, and even in smaller churches, will often have no idea who people are that aren’t in their immediate circle.
Sixth, they may not have ever been taught what a pastor’s role truly is.
Really stemming back to the lack of biblical knowledge, pastor authority is addressed in scripture clearly, but often, unless something is taught clearly on, it’s hard for a church as a whole to understand it. The role of church members, pastors, and deacons should be taught regularly enough that each person understands his role, his place, in the body of Christ. Rather than promote jealousy, the benefits and responsibilities of each roles are to be extolled and praised, bring to light the dignity and honor that each place has. Neglecting this teaching leads some to discontent with their place, not realizing just how valuable it is, and instead, grasp for what is not theirs.
Seventh, they may be overreacting to bad authority in the past.
We humans are great at overreacting. Especially if and when we’ve been hurt, we can easily shy away from that. We see this all the time in kids. One time, a big dog scared a little child, and for the rest of his or her life, that individual may be scared of all big dogs.
Now, this certainly isn’t fair, nor a good way to live. But it’s common. Those that see the problems with legalism can often fling themselves into antinomianism, forgetting that God does, in fact, have moral guidelines for life. But they can, for example, go from the legalism of a very particular and strict dress standard, to then being ok with watching porn. Does it always happen that way? No. But it does. More often than we may think.
Often, when somebody has a bad experience at a church with an authoritative pastor, they find the solution, not in good authority as God designed it, but in no authority whatsoever. They invent all kinds of personnel committees, deacon oversight boards, and a multitude of meetings to rein in the pastor, to hold back the leaders, and keep a very watchful eye on those now somehow under their authority. However, while this may prevent, for example, a pastor from embezzling funds, it also doesn’t solve the problem. Because now, the authority, the power-players abusing their power, are just multiplied, generally far less qualified, far more numerous, and less ministry-minded. Not to mention, blatantly violating God’s design.
How do we solve this?
I really feel for churches that are stuck in this problem. Often known as “pastor killers” they eat up and chew up pastors faster than I go through socks, all because they are full of people with an unhealthy view of church ministry and authority.
Here are some tips.
First, realize those kinds of churches are sick, really sick.
And probably dying. They should inspire pity and a sense of mercy, not just annoyance and disgust at the damage they leave in their wake.
Second, frequently teach and mention the roles of the different parts of the body.
Reminding people, even in off-hand comments, the value of their station, as well as it’s limits, will help the ignorant learn, even if it’ll tick off the arrogant.
Third, prepare for battle.
Those that crave power are not quick to surrender it. They will accuse you of their own faults, of craving power, wanting to steamroll others, and making problems. It’s ok. While you, as a pastor, must continually examine yourself and have some helpful voices encouraging you and helping you, remember that the more these troublemakers accuse you, the more obvious their own heart will become. They are projecting to preserve their own power.
Fourth, be patient but active.
Being passive and allowing this steamrolling nonsense will not get anyone anywhere productive. It’ll take a long time to help people see the truth, and even longer to change a church constitution, so settling in.
Fifth, consider leaving.
Yep, I know, that's the one we don't want to think about for a while and then, eventually, can't stop thinking about. But if power-hungry carnal individuals are too deeply embedded and have so fortressed themselves into place, it may not be feasible to dislodge them. God can work miracles, but sometimes, for his own reasons, he allows churches to crumble and die. Don't allow that process to also crumble and kill you, your passion for God, or your family. It may take leaving to shake the church enough to finally wake up to the enemy's threat, or it may take you leaving to pull away the last few faithful to Christ.
Conclusion
I know, this article isn't your typical happy-go-lucky affair. It's realistic. It's a true and blunt as some people's expectations are false and slippery. The Bible lays out distinctive roles for different people within the church. Violating them, or being ignorant of them, quickly brings disaster. I pray that you have the boldness to preach and teach truth to your people and help guide your church to the guidelines Jesus laid out for her.
Many members will have expectations, stated or unstated, that you cannot or should not reach. God's expectations are the only ones you should be worried about. But you should be discerning and aware enough to know how to help your people see past tradition, fear, bias, ignorance, and even their own pride and neediness to temper their expectations to better match biblical standards. It's not an easy task, but it's a needed one.
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